I’m The Sum Of Your Collective Sorrows

I have had *severe* seborrhoeic dermatitis ever since I hit puberty. And all this time I thought it was just me that was hot in the pants region. Fuck shit cock ass motherfucking cunt whore and various other satisfyingly crude…
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The Things You Whisper Slay Me

I was born of a sinkhole that was impregnated by a stroke of lightning, raised by Mother Nature and spanked daily. I’ve always been wary of “boobies.” I would welcome some psychoanalysis on this matter. I blame my mother, who…
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Something About You Spells Crazy

I had creamed corn for supper tonight and it reminded me of you. Other times I have mundane dreams about Greg Smith telling me that his cat poops three times a day. It’s one of my obsessions with old men….
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The Things You Say Scare Me

Here are eleven sentences about you taken out of context, again: I was a Mexican.I arrived only 15 minutes late but lost any time I had gained and then some when Dave decided to take a shower in Carly’s sink…
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Eleven Sentences About You

I’m once more taking your writing entirely out of context for your amusement and mine: I brought out my special cooking powers and baked you a cake (by adding water). I’m devastated by my finances. I’m too young to be…
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In The Summer We Get Lonely And Menstrual

You told me your secrets and I took them out of context as always: She accused me of being messy, unkept, not concerned about my appearance-like. I’m more single than ever. Alone, I spoke to spectres through unfamiliar pain and…
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Eleven Sentences About You

Again: I’ve been growing an almost moustache-less beard since Easter. I look like a lesbian though. My cunt started to speak. I’m pretty much screwed. I still want that magic wand. A little while ago I was seriously wanting to…
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Eleven Sentences About You

I want someone who will run naked with me in the rain and then make love to me and make me feel something. I’ll follow the smells I like. My housemates just burst into my room with maxi pad samples…
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Eleven Sentences About Your Dis-Ease

You were talking about your dis-ease and I took your words out of context again: I need people to tell me to stop killing my own body. I have to poke Jell-o if it’s perfect and uncut in a fridge….
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Another Eleven Sentences About You

Let’s take things out of context again: I forgot to mention something fantastic. I appear to be the only male Revolutionary Knitter. I went home and hid under my sheets until my problems went away. I need more butter or…
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Eleven Sentences About You

taken out of context: The only person who makes my life difficult…is ME. The thing is, about four years ago years ago, I did something I wasn’t proud of. I had become a seventy year old Homosexual. I bit my…
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