January 08, 2008

Even the simplest act, like driving over to get breakfast from a greasy dinner on a Sunday morning, can be full of adventure, madness! You just have to make sure you’re fully prepared.

The preparations should start the night before, as follows:

First, Show up at Regan and Sherry’s place with beer, liquor candy, Lauras and puppies. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker

Second, eat their delicious foods, play their angst-filled games, see the insides of their awesome house, and at two in the morning fall asleep on their surprisingly soft sofa.

Third, wake up in the morning bleary-eyed and in need of coffee, pile everyone into the car and drive towards a nearby source of food. The day will be full of sun and lovely.

Fourth, when driving, make sure you’re wearing your aviator hat. It keeps your head warm on winter days.

Fifth, pull into the wrong parking lot, the one next door to the location you wanted.

“Oh, we pulled into the wrong parking lot,” Sherry will say.

“That’s ok,” you’ll say.

“Let’s turn around.”

“Nah, I think I see a way at the back,” say.

“That’s not really a way,” Regan will say.

“Then we’ll make one,” say, stepping on the accelerator.

The van will screech its tires, throw itself towards that which looks like a path between the two parking lots, and come to an gut-wrenching stop with just a meter to go to the other side. You’ll try to accelerate and then pull in reverse, but the van is irrevocably stuck.

“Damn,” say.

Laura will say things to indicate she’s less than happy.

“It’s ok,” say. But only one of the car doors actually opens. The others are blocked by mountains of snow. “I thought we could fly over that snowbank,” say, in your aviator hat.

“I don’t think your van had the rocket-kit installed,” Regan will say.

Go eat and then wait two hours for a tow-truck driver who will mock you.