September 07, 2007

I love my puppy and I think she’s crazy about me too. She’s so crazy that whenever I hug Laura, the puppy jumps in between us wailing and demanding her share of affection. And on some mornings, she sneaks her way into our bed and licks my cock. Yeah. I know. That’s just weird.

Anyway, I think the puppy’s cock-licking-days may have to come to an end. You see, this morning I was hugging Laura, and the puppy got so enraged by jealousy that she jumped on my crotch, grabbed my foreskin in her mouth, and tried to chew it off.

Don’t laugh. It hurt. And I’ve been bleeding in my underwear all day. Henceforth I’ll be keeping the puppy away from my penis, no matter how much she loves me. And I’ll start wearing pants. Some injuries are just too awkward to describe to emergency room staff.