Before I had even quit my last job my dad had already started telling me that I was lazy and needed to start looking for a job. I don’t always know why parents feel the need to tell their children that they are not living up to their expectations, but it seems like a lot of them do that.
I think your job is better then a job that pays $40,000. It is more meaningful, and you do something to help better the people around you. It is too bad that your parents don’t see that.

I’ve been having that same struggle with my parents all summer too. Even though I really like my summer job at a museum, they seem to think that it’s not good enough…not “a real job”…and even more unrealistic, they seem to think that I should have been looking for a “real job” since january…who’s going to hire someone in january who can’t start until at least may?! parents are delusional…and they don’t seem to get that these grand expectations that they have for us are unrealistic and just plain stressful. They need to step up off…and fast!

You are a wonderfully gifted person, not only with words but also with your images. And it bugs me that they don’t see that. Go do something that makes you happy. And smile.

Your parents are angry at you because you’re enjoying your life without conforming to a typical idea of ‘success’? That sucks…parents are so complicated sometimes — fuck man, I’m sorry to hear that.

if the job you have can get you out of the house— great (if that’s what you want). in the end if you’re happy with your quality of life (standard of living), all the power to you.

Don’t worry Tudor, after the photoroaming book, there will be millions for all.

There’s something profoundly fucked up about immigrant families, something that leaves everyone silent and broken up inside. Sometimes it is hard to even speak.

…and somehow my parents think I tell them everything, without realizing that the things I want to talk about the most, and that mean the most to me, are the things they will never want to hear, and wouldn’t hear even if I said them.

…and somehow, no matter what I do, how how successful I am, they can’t find the words to say “I’m proud of you”. It’s simple, really, 4 words. And that’s really all I want them to say, but I stopped waiting for them when I realized other people will say it first (but it’s not the same). On the flip side, they’re always the first to say “I’m disappointed” when I fuck things up.

Anyways. I hear ya. *shrug*

Parents are just looking out for you. They get scared for your future because they love you so much, they don’t want you to do less than what they deem best.

Chin up.

Try not to take it too hard. (I know, it’s hard not to.) The parental units always have to live vicariously through their offspring. They always want you to fulfill all the expectations they had for themselves, and accomplish what THEY never got around to doing. That’s what that is all about. Whatever you do, don’t buy into that shit, you’ll save yourself a lifetime of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The pressure is hard to take, Tudor. I’m sorry that it’s rough right now. :(

You have a job, and from the sound of it you’re good at it and enjoy it. Never ever underestimate how important those last two items are. Money isn’t everything, nor should it be. I’d happily take a pay-cut for the better job (but then, what I do now is much closer to that “better job” than what I did 8 months ago. Baby steps).

Does anyone graduate university, get the perfect, high-paying job, and live happily ever after? I’ve yet to see it.

Yeah, they do, but we don’t hang out with too many of the mathies. :)

To echo the statement, if you’re good at what you do and enjoy it, you’re successful. The old addage that money doesn’t buy happiness is mostly true. I know where to shop, and I can tell you that the happiest I’ve been has also been a time where I’ve been most in debt.

I’m reminded of The Joy Luck Club… great book.

You are a complete failure, you arrogant, immature jerk.

I kid. Hang in there - you know that you are not, and never will be, a failure. It’s just not possible. Parents just get anxious and worried sometimes and it comes out the wrong way. Things are tense, but it will get better. Just really, hang in there. In the words of Regan Walsh: ‘Everything is going to be o.k.” (or something like that).

And go get yourself an SUV.
(ugh)

You hit the nail right on the head when you said, “There’s something profoundly fucked up about immigrant families, something that leaves everyone silent and broken up inside. Sometimes it is hard to even speak.”

I can only echo the sentiments of all the people above and try to empathise since I’ve been in a similar situation.

Parents… they say they want what’s best for us but some times, they don’t realise how bad their actions and their words can be for us.

Wow. I love you all — your comments and insight touched me, moved me, and yes, it made me feel slightly better. I think that Jules nailed it there with her comment about parents vicariously living through their children. This is expecially true of immigrant families. Whenever something happens they remind me how they came to this strange land not so much for themselves, but so I could have a better life.

And while all that is true, and I deeply grateful, it also feels like some incredibly burden has been placed on me. I never asked for the human sacrifice I’ve been offered.

It’s sometimes hard to find the middle ground. But thank you all again — you’re wonderful :)

I understand, I really, really, really fucking understand. I’ve had that talk with my parents several times early in the year. They’re content with letting me “check out” journalism for a term. I can tell that they think I won’t make it.

I just had the talk with my mom today on moving in with my girlfriend. That was tough. “The next step is marriage.”

Ugh.

I really, really, really understand.

Tudor… How old are you? 25? If? Your parent’s expectations are unrealistic, but only because they don’t understand the current situation in the world. The gap between rich and poor is increasing exponentially, and right now, a good job is something that pays the bills… because so many of them out there don’t.

Also, every job you have is a step up. So what if you’re not making 40k, maybe next year you’ll find something that pays more… but in the meantime you’re gaining experience, savy, and comptence at what you do (whatever that is…) and hopefully a good reference to give you a leg up. So never, never think that you have failed because you aren’t an instant ‘success’. It’s not a case of ‘just add water’, or as in the 60’s- ‘cut your hair and get a real job’ (when it really was that easy)..

Life is long. You’re young. There are many things you can accomplish in the next 60-odd years you’re likely going to be on this planet. I’m sure that ‘monetary success’ will be amongst those things at some point, especially if you keep working towards it.

It might be good to remind your parents of all of these points… Sometimes they can forget, especially when they see the end of their ability to protect you is coming. Money is protection, and they want to make sure you’ll be okay. It’s unfair of them to be pushing you this hard, but they are obviously very, very worried. Unfortunately, if they didn’t care they wouldn’t push. It sucks, but there you go. I’ll bet they’d go completely ballistic if you suggested you all needed family counselling, though(: