Eat These Nuts
May 27, 2004
For an entire month, my diet will consist entirely of nuts. I’ll shove handfuls of nuts in my pockets on July 15 and then jump on my bicycle and pedal 2000km around Ontario, going through Sarnia and Point Pelee and ending up in Tobermory. I already started preparing.
Because I’ll need to sleep, I bought a tent, which fits quite comfortably in my saddle bag.
And because I’ll get hungry along the way, I’ll eat my entire stash of nuts. They’re nutritious, it seems, and easy to transport. I think I can live off nuts alone, and if not, I can use them to trap small animals.
And because I’ll get thirsty, I’m thinking of ways of recycling my own urine.
I’m excited about the trip. “You’ll find a way to turn it into a porno,” said Dr. Faflak.
He’s right — after all, I already thought of a title for my porno. See if you can guess what it is…
Posted by Tudor at 11:42 PM in Here & There | TrackBack“COSTACHE IN TOBERMORY: THE [gl]ASS-BOTTOMED BOAT?”
Posted by: Trevor on May 28, 2004 at 04:27 AMNext summer, you should plan a bike trip across Europe. Maybe even Cuba.
Posted by: RaZor on May 28, 2004 at 07:53 AMtwo words that will revolutionise your diet for 2000km:
coleman
stove
Posted by: regan on May 28, 2004 at 12:07 PMI’m so not dragging a stove around with me on this trip! I thought about it, but I realize that if I take a stove I’ll also have to take meat along, and a cooler to store the meat, and maybe some ice, so probably I shouldn’t be biking at all.
And Trevor, if you still want to direct a porno find me in TOBERMORY!
Posted by: Tudor on May 28, 2004 at 01:08 PMThe title of your blog entry: “Eat These Nuts.”
Posted by: jesse on May 28, 2004 at 01:22 PMIf you promise that we can shoot an anal-scene from UNDERWATER beneath a glass-bottomed-boat, then I’m in!
Posted by: Trevor on May 28, 2004 at 02:19 PMTudor, when you are down in Essex County I’d love you to come visit me if I’m at home. That would depend on when you are planning on being there though, since I don’t go home much.
Posted by: Kathy on May 28, 2004 at 03:00 PMthere are small and inexpensive one-burners out there. smaller than a fair-sized bag of nuts. i just figured if you’re to be out biking and sleeping in a tent, you might want to boil some dehydrated noodle stuff in the water you intend to reclaim from urine.
Posted by: regan on May 28, 2004 at 03:06 PMYes, Jesse has the right idea (none of this glass-bottomed-boat business, mister, though I do find your idea quite penetrating).
And Kathy, if all goes well I should be in Harrow on the 21st. If you’re not home, can I go see your parents (I was planning to crash in your backyard for a night)?
While I agree that a stove could come in handy, I’m only going to get a nutritional advantage from it if I take meat with me (or find it along the way) — I need something protein-rich. Noodles, though tasty, will add little to the nutrition I’ll get from my nuts.
Posted by: Tudor on May 28, 2004 at 03:18 PMJust remember: raw nuts have much more nutrition that roasted ones!
Your blog is keeping my summer from being entirely ordinary. Thanks.
Posted by: Tina on May 28, 2004 at 04:09 PMCapture some slow moving children, they won’t need all of their fingers. Cook up a cicada! Or a hopper
Posted by: Infernus on May 28, 2004 at 04:38 PM^^^ Lies! Children are never slow — I fell for that one before. “SLOW CHILDREN,” the sign said, but when I pressed down on the accelerator you should have seen how quickly those little fuckers jumped out of the way.
Posted by: Tudor on May 28, 2004 at 07:45 PMWhen are you leaving/coming back? Sounds like lots of fun, maybe next year you can bike across all of Canada. One of my friends went to Point Pelee last weekend, it sounds gorgeous.
Take lots of photos, I want to see!
I expect the whole trip to take 20 to 25 days. I should be back in town by mid August. And yes, you’ll certainly get to see lots of photos (and maybe a whole movie).
Posted by: Tudor on May 29, 2004 at 02:56 AMPlease drop by Kingston if possible, I’m desperate to meet you.
Posted by: fono on May 30, 2004 at 10:36 PMI’m desperate to meet you too, actually, but Kingston is hellishly far! Below is the route I’m currently taking — to get to Kingston I’d have to take a 700km detour:
But I am planning a weekend trip to Queen’s in the fall. Will I still find you there?! If not you’re more than welcome to meet me this summer in Tobermory on a glass-bottomed boat (hehehe).
Posted by: Tudor on May 30, 2004 at 11:51 PM“And Kathy, if all goes well I should be in Harrow on the 21st. If you’re not home, can I go see your parents (I was planning to crash in your backyard for a night)?”
You’re still planning on taking the Harrow route? Brave man. Damn, I wish I was going to be home but I’m not going to be able to do that until the end of August.
If you can find my place feel free to visit my parents. They might force you to sleep in the house though. ;)
I can give you directions right to the place from wherever you like.